Quiet Reassurances
by StarsandGalaxies
Summary: "Do you think he'd be proud of me?" / There's nothing harder than trying to fill the shoes of who you used to be...especially if you can't even remember who he was. Sizzy.


**_Huge thank you to Mandy, who edited this for me on the fly and is incredible. Disclaimer: I do not own anything of _**_The Mortal Instruments. __**Please review/favorite if you enjoy it. Thank you!**_

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"Do you think he'd be proud?" Simon asked, two teenagers had been sitting in silence, their eyes on the pale sky ahead of them, with their legs dangling over the edge of old building across from the Institute, watching the sun set. There was something about watching the sky darken over the New York City skyline that never got old. Lately, the two of them had been coming up to the roof of the building after Simon's shadowhunter training to watch it. When Isabelle looked at him, he refused to meet her eyes, staring pointedly at the horizon. The sun setting behind him darkened his hair and he was tanner than Isabelle had ever remembered him being. Seeing him look so alive and well and _happy_ was still something that Isabelle was getting used to.

"Who?"

He dragged his eyes back towards her, hesitating before answering, "Me. The old me, I guess. The Simon that you knew."

Isabelle stared at him, her heart constricting in her chest. The face that she had come to know and love looked back at her, but something had changed. This wasn't _her _Simon, the one who had been dragged into the Shadow World by force, the one who had been changed into a vampire. This wasn't the one who had been there for her when Max died, who had told her the plot of _Star Wars_ as a bedtime story. Isabelle had memorized his face a thousand times over, yet it was the inside that had changed drastically. Before he lost his memories, she would look at him and see something in his eyes that was starting to look a lot like love. Now he stared at her like she was a goddamn puzzle, something that he just couldn't quite figure out. Isabelle knew that having him back in her life was going to be difficult but it didn't occur to her that she would feel like her heart was breaking over and over again every time they talked. It's hard enough to make someone love you once, she wasn't sure how to make someone do it twice in the same lifetime.

For a few long moments, Isabelle said nothing, mulling over how to best explain everything that was running through her head. She kicked her feet on the brick, ignoring the vibration that ran through her heel as she did.

"You know, back when you first found out about all," She gestured vaguely to the air around her, "You didn't understand why Clary was so drawn to it. You desperately wanted her to leave this world behind and come with you back to the mundane one.

"But," Isabelle continued with a dry laugh, "When Clary realized she was a part of this world, you refused to let her go. You became a part of it as well. Unfortunately for you, that meant that you were Turned."

Simon interrupted, "Changed into a vampire, you mean?"

Isabelle slowly nodded, "Yeah. But you hated it. Truly hated. You hated feeling like a monster and it killed all of us to see you hate yourself that way."

"Now," Bitterness seeped in his voice, his hands slightly trembling, "I'm no longer a monster but I can barely remember my own best friend. I can't remember any of the stories that Clary brings up. I don't know who I am anymore."

His voice slightly cracking, Simon added, "And then there's you."

Isabelle knotted her fingers together tightly. Though she could barely trust herself to talk, she managed to ask, "What about me?" without sounding like she was about to break down.

Simon stared at her, dark eyes on dark eyes, before returning his gaze back to the sunset. "I know how hard this has been on you, Isabelle. I can see it in your eyes. The way you sometimes mention something from before just to see if I'll remember. The way you sometimes go out of your way to avoid me." Isabelle, at this point, was squeezing her hands together so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.

"I know you want me to be that guy that you loved before," It was Isabelle's turn to look away from him, "But I'm just afraid that I won't be able to be him. I want to be him; I can tell from Clary and you and hell, even Jace and Alec, that he was _someone. _I don't want to ruin everything and not be him."  
This time, when Isabelle spoke, her voice did quiver, "What you did, whether or not you remember it, is something that I...that we will never forget. You gave yourself up to save us. That selflessness isn't something that just goes away, Simon. I don't think that just by forgetting your memories you're going to lose who you are. It's going to take more time to find him, but the Simon that you're talking about? I know he's in there."

They fell back into silence. Isabelle looked out at the sky, relishing in the beauty of the sunset. She glanced at Simon, who seemed lost in his own world again. She nudged him, "For the record, I think he would be proud of you. I think you should be proud of yourself. Of the person you're becoming."  
He didn't answer but when Isabelle looked back at him, she could see a small smile blooming on his lips. She bit back a smile and returned her gaze to the now dark skyline, content to look at the stars with this new Simon.


End file.
